what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
