Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
