What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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