I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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