I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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