hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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