On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
