Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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