Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
