i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
