Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
