her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am midnight drunk by noon
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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