when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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