I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
