Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize