I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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