apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
