"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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