i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
