I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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