Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
