can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
