I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize