I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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