You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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