life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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