so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
