Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
