I'm going to jail i love you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize