are you still at the devil's house?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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