the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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