last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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