what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
