it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
