recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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