Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I came so hard my ears popped.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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