my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
