The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
