i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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