1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
