Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize