his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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