Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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