I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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