It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
they're like a gay fantastic four
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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