So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
