So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
