i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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