Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
