FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
