Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
don't judge my taste in strippers
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
