Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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