on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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