Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
