the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
