"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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