he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
