Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
