That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
