How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
