how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ttyl tear gas
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
