you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
