totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
