i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
