this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
