Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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