Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
