My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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