I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
look no pants
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize