idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
