spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
