I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
