So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
