Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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