Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im holly from the hills drunk
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
