if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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