she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
