Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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