Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
