The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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