I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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