did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
