I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
