Your face is a jimmy john
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
