im drinking this country out of the recession.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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