Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
