It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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